My biggest fear in life is being incapable. What if I am unable to accomplish my dreams because of my self-doubt and fear of failure? My whole life I’ve quit something before I was able to fail. Failure was never certain, but always a possibility and my dignity was always more important. I am constantly building impossible walls for people to overcome to get close to me. I am forever making tasks more difficult than they truly are. I am relentlessly looking for possible routes of escape. I am on the run, but I am sitting still.
It’s hard for me to grapple; I am always saying I want to do big things and overcome many obstacles but I am actually the girl hiding under her covers looking for reasons to turn opportunities away. What will I really do with my life if I stay cowering in this corner?
I am so eager for a new life but do nothing to make headway. I sit, I plan, I dream, but there is never implementation. I am a dreamer, a hopeless dreamer drowning in her own “what-ifs” destined to sink with the weight of the world on her shoulders and to be overcome by her weaknesses.
I am a hypocrite. I am a naysayer. I am scared.
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