The Greatest Barrier to Success is the Fear of Failure.

My biggest fear in life is being incapable. What if I am unable to accomplish my dreams because of my self-doubt and fear of failure? My whole life I’ve quit something before I was able to fail. Failure was never certain, but always a possibility and my dignity was always more important. I am constantly building impossible walls for people to overcome to get close to me. I am forever making tasks more difficult than they truly are. I am relentlessly looking for possible routes of escape. I am on the run, but I am sitting still.

It’s hard for me to grapple; I am always saying I want to do big things and overcome many obstacles but I am actually the girl hiding under her covers looking for reasons to turn opportunities away. What will I really do with my life if I stay cowering in this corner?

I am so eager for a new life but do nothing to make headway. I sit, I plan, I dream, but there is never implementation. I am a dreamer, a hopeless dreamer drowning in her own “what-ifs” destined to sink with the weight of the world on her shoulders and to be overcome by her weaknesses.

I am a hypocrite. I am a naysayer. I am scared.

Where the Heart Is.

I like to look at Craigslist and pick cities I wouldn't mind running off to. I click on houses that I could afford and try to picture myself living in them. 

I imagine the gnome I would place atop the front steps, the flowers I'd plant along the house, the cold walk to the mailbox on winter mornings. I picture, perfectly, the cozy couch in my living room and the coffee mugs in the cupboards, the wilting house plants in the windowsill, and the letters from Mom in a box under my bed.

I want trick-or-treaters and coffee brewing every autumn, Christmas lights and holiday parties each winter. I want blooming buds and butterflies in my yard during the spring, inviting my closest friends to indulge in backyard barbecues and homemade lemonade come summertime. 

I want to make memories.

I want a home.